Mine Was A Penguin

Since my last sermon, a lot of people have commented with regret or admiration for what I've been through or that I've gotten through it. I never really know how to respond to that because... I don't see it that way. Yeah. I've come up against some difficult things. I've had to deal with some extremely difficult people. But it's not something I carry around with me. Jinks said once: You just have to say these things, and once it's out of your head, you're done with it. It's gone.

I don't give up on things, that's true. Just about everyone who knows me has had to persuade me to not clamber over, on, or around a No Entry sign at least once (both metaphorically and literally...). But I don't see that as necessarily something to be admired or praised. It's gotten me into trouble a few times. It can be quite alienating at others. But mostly it's just the only way I know how to be. It's not like I made a conscious decision one day that I was going to leap mountains to achieve my ambitions or some other lofty ideal that actually is worthy of admiration. No.

Think more along the lines of that bee that keeps running into the kitchen window because it can't figure out there's a pane of glass between it and the outside world. Yeah. That's me. And every so often I bash around long enough that I find some other opening, or someone gets sick of hearing me and shoves me themselves.

Either way, the admiration makes me uncomfortable. As does the sympathy. They're both impractical reactions. There's no reason for you to apologise for something that some person you've never and more than likely never will ever encounter did too many years ago to count. And my life isn't so bad that I deserve to be admired for getting myself out of bed each day and just getting on with it. So let's talk about more worthwhile things.

Like this quote from <a href="http://azizriandaoxrak.deviantart.com">Jes</a>, who always has awesome quotes:

I gotta say. One of the worst and scariest things about the world for me is that anyone, absolutely ANYONE can be a "bully" to me. It's knowing that people will take the opportunity to "bully" me because my body lets them know that I am available to be "bullied" by them.

And not knowing whether the violence is going to come from people I already know or complete strangers just makes it worse, and there are days when I am terrified of PEOPLE because I don't know which people are dangerous. And there are plenty of times when I think I HAVE to be weird for thinking like this.

I am a feminist because I believe that NO ONE has a right to "bully" others because they were born with the right color skin, the right set of genitals, the right income bracket, the right version of love. And I HATEHATEHATEHATE that bullying is divorced from the systemic factors that feed into it. And I HATE that there's so much heart-warming-church-charity-two-week-program-that-will-drop-it-and-never-pick-it-up-again BULLSHIT.

But knowing that there are other people out there who GET IT, who I CAN reach and I CAN talk to - that helps, and it's something that I didn't have in high school, and it makes it, for me, about 500000000X better. And since I can't change THE ENTIRE SET OF SYSTEMS OF DISCRIMINATION right this very minute, I like to be able to turn to people who are trying to work through "bullying" in its many forms and let them know: it is possible to take what has happened to you and use it to make you stronger, and there are and will be people out there who can help you, so just HOLD ON.

A Few Brief Lines

Originally posted on deviantART.


So everyone's talking about Spirit Day... I might as well do it, too.

I wrote something on it a few days ago. Not specifically Spirit Day, but the concept behind the month in general.

Here's the deal:

I think it's nothing but good that time and energy is devoted to making the masses aware of a problem. I really do. All the people who offer support and crawl out of the woodwork to wave their flags, absolutely fantastic. Pat yourselves on the back. But this isn't a one day thing. It's not a one month thing. This is an all the time thing.

Wearing a button or a colour or reposting memes to your Facebook page doesn't do anything but give you a warm, fuzzy feeling because you've performed some socially appropriate action.

I know, I know. I should be grateful that the social norm is deigning to recognise that I deserve to be treated like a real, live human being. I should be extolling the virtues of every one of you who shouts to the world: my best friend is gay and s/he is such a good person. I should get all choked up about all the people who wear the buttons and repost and squeeze onto the wagon. Otherwise I'm just bitter, right?

Well, no. And this is why I don't do those things: because - and, yes, I'm aware, this doesn't apply to all of you, but it applies to enough to merit being said - how many people will repost anti-bullying slogans or attend some rally and then turn around - and without even thinking about it - sneer at something for being "gay" (as in the apparently accepted definition synonymous with "stupid", "lame", etc.)? Or shun that girl at work because she's a little weird? Roll your eyes at the overweight guy in the restaurant?

There are a million little things that people do and say all the time without bothering to consider the impact it has on the people experiencing it (and this applies to a lot of different areas; not just this). There are a lot of ways to bully someone besides the obvious.

Which leads me to my next point.

There is a massive focus on the gay and lesbian portion of the community. Fair enough. A majority of my friends are part of that community. They don't have it particularly easy. That said. They're just the ones that show above the water (iceberg reference out of nowhere; I'm aware. Moving on...).

The queer community is vast and diverse, and encompasses a lot of things that each have their own unique issues and difficulties. I, for one, don't fit into any particular category. I prefer that; I shy away from labels whenever possible. I can take on various ones in certain situations, and I do, because I have to function in a world where I am anything but the norm and I get tired of explaining the intricacies of my identity and personal life to every random person that happens along. I don't fit into the binary gender system. My concept of sexuality is riddled with shades of grey. I'm involved in a relationship that defies all sorts of convention and description to the point that we'll both readily admit we have no idea what we're doing or how it's all going to play out.

From that standpoint, trying to find my footing within the queer community, let alone society as a whole, has been precarious at best. I've come up against a lot of hostility, a lot of ignorance, and a whole lot of pre-judgement. And some of the most hurtful, dehumanising and derogatory things that have been said to me have come right out of that same community. The straight people I've encountered (and this is just my experience; I'm aware that others have very different ones) tend to be a little too curious and occasionally thoughtless and uninformed, but generally not malicious. The queer community - particularly the gay/lesbian portion - has not been so nice.

This, I think, is even worse than whatever ridicule is thrown at me from the heterosexual vantage point. These people, after all, claim to be safe and understanding. They claim to include my interests with their own (and time and again the advocacy groups have flat out refused to argue for protection for the BTQ portion in order to secure something the GL segment wants). But these things get overlooked and unspoken for various reasons. The community needs to show solidarity, or whatever. A lot of times, though, the end result is the feeling that no one is actually on your side because you're not [adjective of your choice] enough, or maybe just because you're a little too [adjective of your choice].

The point that I have taken a very long time to get to is this: straight people are not the only ones who can be bullies. Gay people are not the only ones who get picked on. And this is not something that should only be thought about once a year.

Related
A Comment about LGBT Rights and Spirit Day by AzizrianDaoXrak
Spirit Day is Coming by NicSwaner
LGBT Spirit Day by GrimFace242